I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
