I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
