Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
