I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
