I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
