Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
