dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
