we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
