We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
