I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
