you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
