So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
