Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
FUCK WHALES
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
