So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
