I cannot find my penis.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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