you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
