Jerry, you need to find god
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
