I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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