just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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