dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
