Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
