You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
