Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
