I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
