My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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