dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
