jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
