i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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