Soap is not a condiment
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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