Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
