I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
