I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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