I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
