SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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