so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
