omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Randomize
