I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
