Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
