everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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