oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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