You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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