My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
