just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
