last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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