Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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