it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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