i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
