laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
