funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
