The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And then he peed in my hair
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