i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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