R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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