no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Boobs are out for the taking
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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