I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
