I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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