Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
