We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
