you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
