it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
