I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
