So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
