Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i love accidental penises.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
