Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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