God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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