Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
