I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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