You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
