It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
