I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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