I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
