i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
