Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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