The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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