The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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