My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
