he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
