its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
